********** SOFTWARE ENGINEER AND HIS WIFE **********

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time. 


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer .

HELLO

 This is one of the best explanations of why God 
allows pain and suffering that I have seen.... 

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. 

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. 

They talked about so many things and various subjects.  

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:  

'I don't believe that God exists.'  

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer. 

'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? 

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. 
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.' 

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.  

The barber finished his job and the customer left the  
shop. 

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. 

He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'  

'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber..  'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'  

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'  



'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.' 

'Exactly!' affirmed the customer.  
'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! 

That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.  

That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.' 

If you think God exists, send this to other  
people--- 

If you think God does not exist, delete it!  



BE BLESSED & BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS !!!!!

To bEgIn WiTh...........I beLiEve iN yOu!!!

To Begin With

Words jump out at me. When I heard someone

today say, "To begin with..." my thoughts

turned to all the possibilities.

To begin with...FAITH!

You cannot say that you have faith if when 

you fall you give up. Faith means you 

will be given the strength to rise, or the

hand to be lifted up. But don't lie there

waiting. God provides for the smallest

bird, but He doesn't throw the seed into the 

nest. They were created to fly.

To begin with...HOPE!

Trust that in all things there is hope. Even 

when we cannot see the opportunity, there it

is in the out stretched hand, the listening 

ear, the smiling face, the sunrise.

To begin with...LOVE!

If you cannot see love in your life perhaps 

you need to put life in your love. Begin 

by accepting who you are and all you can be.

This confidence will give you the power to 

love outside yourself. Love is not love until

it is given away. To love is to honor God.

To begin with...FRIENDSHIP!

If you want to have friends, BE ONE!

Sometimes friendship, like love, appears one sided.

Sometimes people need more than they give.

Trust that in doing for another the act 

is the gift you give yourself.

To begin with....THE PRESENT!

Where you are at the moment is a result of 

where you have been. We only have the past

and the present. No one is guaranteed tomorrow.

Learn from yesterday and 

begin anew with the Present.

To begin with...LOSS!

Succumb to the feelings of loss. The heart 

cannot heal until pain is acknowledged.

Tears are not a sign of weakness 

but an acceptance of the reality, 

a release for the bereaved. 

Faith, Hope, Love and Friendship

will be your strength in the Present. 

Even in 

loss there is much to be gained. 

To begin with...

"I believe in you!"

TIPS! SMS ShortCuts.......!!

1dRfl - wonderful
2 - to/too/two
2dA - today
2moro - tomorrow
2nite - tonite
3dom - freedom
4 - for
4get - forget
4N - foreign
ADN - any day now
AFAIK - as far as I know
AFAIR - as far as I recall
ASAP - as soon as possible
ATM - at the moment
B - be
B4 - before
B4N - bye for now
BB - bye-bye
Bf -boyfriend
BG - big grin
BION - believe it or not
BK - big kiss
BTDT - been there, done that
BTW - by the way
By - busy
C - see/sea
CB - call back
CUL - see you later
CWYL - chat with you later
DUZ - does
DUZNT - doesn't
F2F - free to talk?
G2G - got to go
Gf - girlfried
Gr8 - great
Grr - angry
H2 - how to
HUH - have you heard?
IC - I see
ICCL - I couldn't care less
IK - I know
ILU (or ILY) - I love you
in4ml - informal
KISS - keep it simple, stupid
KUTGW - keep up the good work
@ "At"
MSG "Message"
W "With"
ATB "All the best"
NE "Any"
W/O "Without"
B "Be, Bee"
NETHNG "Anything"
WKND "Weekend"
BCNU "I'll be seeing you"
NE1 "Anyone"
XLNT "Excellent"
BWD "Backward"
NO1 "No-one"
XOXOX "Hugs and kisses"
B4 "Before"
OIC "Oh, I see"
YR "Your"
C "See, Sea"
PCM "Please call me"
1 "One, Won"
CU "See you"
PLS "Please"
2 "Too, To, Two"
DOIN "Doing"
PPL "People"


:) Original smiley
:-) Classic smiley
;-) Wink
:-)) Very happy
|-) Hee-hee
:-D Laugh loud
:-o Amazement
:^D" Great! I like it!
:-* Kiss
<3 I love you
:-s Confusion
{} No comment
:-C Totally unbelievable
:-X Big wet kiss
:-9 Licking lips
%-) Confused
*:* Fuzzy face
:-@ Screaming
:-7 Wry remark
:-p Sticking out tongue
:-( Frown
:> Develish grin
(:-|K- Dressed to kill
:-|| Angry
::=)) Seeing double
:-> Hey
|:-0 No explanation
#:-) Hair in a mess
>;-(' I am spitting mad
#-) Partied all night
:-| Hmmm
:-& Tongue-tied
L8 - late
L8r - later
LMK - let me know
M8 - mate
MOF - matter of fact
MT - empty
MTE - my thoughts exactly
NAGI - not a good idea
Ne - any
Ne1 - anyone
No1 - no one
nrg - energy
OIC - Oh I see
OK - okay
ONNA - oh no, not again!
OTT- over the top
PCM - please call me
Pls - please
Ppl - people
PTL - praise the Lord
R - are
Re - regarding
RUOK - are you okay?
Spk - speak
Sry - sorry
SWAK - sealed with a kiss
THX - thanks
TTYL - talk to you later
TXT - text
U - you
U@ - you at? (where are you?)
UOK - you okay?
UR - your/you're
Usu - usually
W8 - wait
W84M - wait for me
W/ - with
Wan2 - want to
wn - when
WMF - works for me
XLNT - excellent
Y - why
YM - you mean
YR - yeah, right
GONNA "Going to"
SUM1 "Someone"
3SUM "Threesome"
GR8 "Great"
STRA "Stray"
4 "For, Four"
H8 "Hate"
THNQ "Thank you"
:-) "I'm happy"
L8 "Late"
THX "Thanks"
:-o "I'm surprised"
L8R "Later"
U "You"
:-( "Sad face"
LUV "Love"
UR "You are "
d:) "Baseball cap "
MOB "Mobile"
WAN2 "Want to?"
;-/ "Confused"
2DAY "Today"
F2T "Free to talk"
RUOK "Are you okay?"
2MORO "Tomorrow"
FWD "Forward"
RGDS "Regards"


(:-... Heart-broken
%-) I'm tipsy but happy
#:-o Oh no!
:-# My lips are sealed
8-) Sender wears glasses
:+( I'm hurt by that
:*)? Are you drunk?
<:-0 Eeek!
:-e I'm disappointed
(-: Sender is left-handed
<:-) Dumb question
~o~ Bird
:@ Ouch!
:-(*) Sick comment
(:-) Bald
:// Frustrated
:3-< Dog
d:-) Hats off to your great idea
:-$ Put your money where your mouth is
:-{) Sender has moustache
|-| Going to sleep
:@) Pig
\o/ Praise the Lord
*<:o) Clown
:-{)} Sender has moustache & beard
:=8) Baboon
8^ Chicken
~#:-( Bad hair day
:'-( I am crying
:*) I' tipsy
:-o Oh
O:-) Innocent
&:-) Sender has curly hair

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Reshma,
Please answer the following questionnaire. Select (a), (b) or (c)

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.



Your score: For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it. 

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not. 

Eagerly awaiting your reply..





Love, Aakash
************ *********


Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format...... ..

Aakash,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.



1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No


2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... right ?
(a) Yes (b) No

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No


If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.


Hope everything is clear to you

IAS i.e. UPSC Exam 1998 Interview Question ...

IAS i.e. UPSC Exam 1998 Interview Question and there Answer given by candidates
..........oh sorry!! IAS Officers now

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
(UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)

Q: what is the opposite of Nag panchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me

Funny story which resemble the truth abt thoughts!!

This is funny !!
A Spanish teacher
was explaining to her class
that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either
masculine or feminine.

"House"
for instance,
is feminine:
"la casa."

"Pencil,"
however,
is masculine:
"el lapiz."

A student asked,
"What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer,
the teacher split the class into two groups,
male and female,
and asked them to decide
for themselves whether
"computer"
should be
a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked
to give four reasons
for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that
"computer"
should definitely be
of the feminine gender
("la computadora"),
because:
1. No one but their creator
understands their internal logic;

2. The native language
they use to communicate
with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes
are stored in long term memory
for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make
a commitment to one,
you find yourself spending
half your paycheck
on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group,
however, concluded
that computers should be Masculine
("el computador"),
because:
1. In order to do anything
with them,
you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data
but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed
to help you solve problems,
but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one,
you realize that if you
had waited a little longer,
you could have gotten
a better model.

i don't know who won.....???

It is better to be hated by what you are;

then to be loved for what u r not...

(¨`·.·´¨) Always
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) Keep
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´ Smiling!
`·.¸.·"

Few Definitions

Few Definitions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of
either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got
caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when
dead.



Enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyy ......!!!
Have a nice day ahead.....

Family Problem

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage.

I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. 

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. 

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. 

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. 

And you say you have family problems.. 

This Is One Great Picture In 1918........

I find it amazing that this photo, taken so many years ago, actually still exists!  And now, someone has put it online for all of us to see. This INCREDIBLE picture was taken in 1918. It is 18,000 men preparing for war in a training camp at Camp Dodge , in Iowa . EIGHTEEN THOUSAND MEN!!!!! What a priceless gift from our grandfathers!  FACTS: Base to Shoulder: 150 feet; Right Arm: 340 feet; Widest part of arm holding torch: 12 1/2 feet; Right thumb: 35 feet; Thickest part of body: 29 feet; Left hand length: 30 feet; Face: 60 feet; Nose: 21 feet; Longest spike of head piece: 70 feet; Torch and flame combined: 980 feet; Number of men in flame of torch: 12,000; Number of men in torch: 2,800; Number of men in right arm: 1,200;   Number of men in body, head and balance of figure only: 2,000 Total men: 18,000

 

The Retiring Carpenter Story

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. He would get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work, the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you." The carpenter was shocked! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.

So it is with us. We build our lives a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then, with a shock, we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back. You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, erect a wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," someone has said. Your attitude and the choices you make today build the "house" you live in tomorrow.

Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool

1.  You can stare at any Girl

2.  You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life

3.  You won't have to waste paper writing love letters, No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place

4.  You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them

5.  You won’t have to see boring love stories instead of sports

6.  You won’t have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less

7.  You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her

8.  You won’t have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks

9.  No nonstop nonsense

10.  You won’t have drown in the pool of her tears

11.  No tension

12.  You don't have to spend money on her

13.  You can be "urself"  

14.  You won’t have to hide your telephone bills

15.  You won't get boring result in ur board papers

16.  No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing

17.  If u doesn’t have a girlfriend, she can't dump u

18.  Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy

19.  This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring

20.  You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u

21.  Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according your wishes anymore

Men always have better friends....

Men always have better friends....

They will stand by you, no matter what....!!!

Here's an example:-

 
 
Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night.
 
So she tells her husband the very next morning,
 
that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.
 
So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and
 
none of them confirmed that she was with them.


 
Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night.
 
So he tells his wife the very next morning,
 
that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.
 
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that
 
he stayed at their apartments that night and
 
another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

There are few things which perhaps we didn't know...

There are few things which perhaps we didn't know... 
like...... 

1. Coca-Cola was originally green. 

2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. 

3. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with. 

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. 

5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. 


6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the 
letters only on one row of the keyboard. 

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men! 

8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. 

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow. 

10. People say “Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond. 
 
11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. 

12. The “sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. 
 
14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history. 
   Spades - King David 
   Clubs - Alexander the Great, 
   Hearts - Charlemagne
    Diamonds - Julius Caesar. 

15. 
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321 

16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. 
   If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. 
   If the horse has an all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. 


17 What  do  bullet  proof  vests,  fire escapes, windshield wipers  and laser printers all have in common? 
   Ans. - All invented by women. 


18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? 

   Ans. - Honey 

19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. 

20. A snail can sleep for three years. 

21. All polar bears are left handed. 

22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. 

23. Butterflies taste with their feet. 

24.Elephants is the only animals that can't jump. 

25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. 

26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death. 

27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'. 

28. Stewardesses are the longest word typed with only the left hand. 

29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. 

30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. 

31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. 

32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. 

34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. 

35. Most lipstick contains fish scales. 

36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different 

37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow 

 

"It’s not the presence of someone that brings meaning to life, but it’s the way that someone touches Ur heart which gives life a beautiful meaning..."